Saturday, September 30, 2006

More Bad News



It was not long after I had enlisted our latest defenders of Terra Incognita’s sacred boundaries, that we got word of the latest RoTten enormities! It threw my new minions into disarray. I had never expected troops of sand, expensive crack sand squads to be exact, to crumble so quickly and so completely at the first sign of difficulty.

cucaracha del sol was on hand to document their shocking collapse of morale. >>

They're completely useless for anything now! I'll have to replace the lot of them.

The news is, I must confess, bad.

The entire country of RoT is now under the thrall of that repulsive alien reptile, Rupert Murdoch, who twists the Khan, a once genial albeit celebrity-seeking despot, to do his foul bidding. The citizenry are cowed into submission through a media campaign of fear-mongery and disinformation. And to add insult to grievous bodily harm, they have suspended our habeas corpus! It’s inhuman! A mature habeas corpus should be treated carefully and stored in a cool dry place, not hung up for all the world to see!

But worst of all, RoT’s secret police, headed by the mendacious monster Murdoch, have seized thousands of perfectly innocent arachnids at random, plucking them off the streets or sizing them in dawn web raids, and they’ve massacred the lot of them. This appears to be a tactic they are deploying around the world! Wherever large arachnids congregate, they are being ssystematically butchered. In this report just in from Cambodia the true horror and systemic cruelty of this vicious regime is exposed:
“A quick twist of the fangs and the spider is rendered poison-less. A thumb squeeze of the thorax and it is left lifeless. As it is tossed on to a pile of around 100 other arachnid cadavers, the cooking is ready to begin.”
The Independent >>
Yes. That DID say ‘cooking’.

So now we know what we’re up against.

*We are indebted to passing samaritan, JDART, for information leading to the above proof of RoTten terror tactics. We will be lodging it at the next session of the UN and requesting that the strongest possible sanctions be brought to bear on these barbarians.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Rupert Murdoch said...

Dear Cog,

You flatter me! Of course I'd love to believe I had all the powers of an alien reptile. Citizenry "cowed into submission", Khan twisted to do my "foul bidding". Compliments the lot! But, alas, you give me too much credit. (It is enough that I orchestrate the twisting of fangs and squeezing of thoraxes.) But keep going - you're obviously my biggest fan. And (who knows?) one day I may even work for YOU, and get my first taste of REAL POWER. Together we could enslave the material universe! ahahahahahaha!

Lots of love,
Rupey

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