Monday, October 16, 2006

Making (Warlike) Whoopee

No one with half a brain cell would trust Rupert Murlock – particularly when he is offering the world in return for… nothing definite. Obviously there’s something he’s not telling us. So when he offered to distract the Khan and his minions whilst we invade Republic of Tinselman, I had to think fast.

First off, I’m going to secure his promise to print the stunning picture above (snapped and leaked by a retired FOXTOT counter-agent), depicting the extraordinary efficacy of our supermarines. Sure, they were meant to just be undertaking a practice run to demonstrate their ability to fly large-scale coordinated actions… but obviously someone got a little carried away. Ordinarily I would never condone cruelty to elephants, but as this is Lucy Mark V aka RoT’s Parliament House, their actions may bring the current incessant conflict with RoT to a more rapid – and acceptable – sense of closure.

So, what the hey! It’s all good!

Jenny HaniverAfter that, and PLEASE don’t spread this around*, I’m going to distract Murlock with these paragons of pulchritude (pictured) that honorary ZM curator, Mr S, added to our
Zymoglyphic Museum
Collection. Both Jenny Haniver and the Zymoglyphic Mermaid came with certificates of sirenhoodity, so I’ve got high expectations of their power of seduction and subsequent subversion.

Rupert has NEVER been able to resist a well-turned figure or a couple of fishy lips, so I reckon they will keep him busy for a day or two at least. Actually, I’ve been told that he’s a pushover for any woman younger than himself – given that his mother is possibly the only woman alive older than him, it does rather leave the field wide open…

The Zymoglyphic Mermaid

* Remember: Loose lips ink slits

More on mermaids at wikipedia >>
More than you could possibly want to know about Rupert >>


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Retired" FOXTOT agent? For the record, his name is Patrick McGoohan, and he was fired earlier this month. He did not retire.

This obviously doctored photo you have obtained is a petty attempt at recapturing the glory days of his former career. I'm surprised that the curator of a museum would not think to check the accuracy of her sources before going to print.

As for your hope that I would ever publish such unsubstantiated fearmongery in the Murdoch press . . . Well I can see you have already read what the Khan has to say about this in yesterday's 'Tinselman [registered trademark, Fox News ltd]' blog. Look no further than there if you want the Truth.

Love from Uncle Rupey

3:45 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah Rupert -- I'm surprised you have time to spread such foul culumnies, what with all that *debriefing* you've been doing...

Attempting to spread happy-happy nothing-to-see-here propaganda in the face of imminent defeat IS, I suppose, admirable in a kind of Forrest Gumpish kind of way... but entirely misplaced. The citizens of RoT are onto you -- and your puppet Khan aka William Schatner -- and they've had enough.

With Lucy Mark V in millions of tiny pieces, you no longer have an HQ to plan your nefarious deeds from... soon, you will discover that letting loose the dogs of war can come back and bite you in the bum.

Lots of Love

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