Thursday, November 09, 2006

Deep space photo shock!

Janitorial hates to be the voice of reason and ruin everyone's fun but recent images captured by the Hubble telescope throw new light on claims lately made by the Republic of Tinseman.

The telescope was taking part in routine, CIA funded, scans for inter-galactic terrorists when it took several frames of the Starship Enterprise. Applications made under the Freedom of Information Act guidelines, lobbying, computer hacking, and safe-breaking have placed copies of these images in the hands of the Janitorial Department of the Museum.

The images when enlarged show quite clearly that the "starfleet" threatening the Enterprise is nothing more than a photo stuck on the Control Deck window. At such great distances the resolution of the images does not allow us to discern whether the photograph is stuck to the outside or the inside of the window.

This may seem a minor point but a lot hangs on the answer. If the photo is on the inside of the window it means either the false Khan (Shatner) is entirely insane or (without negating the former) there is someone onboard the Enterprise trying to stir up hostilities. To what end? - who knows?

If the image is on the outside it looks like the handiwork of the MoDoMoD's crack Deep Space Strategic Prank squad (a pet project of Inky's). One thing that can be concluded is that wherever the Enterprise is the MoD starfleet is NOT! It's miles and miles and miles away. But up to what?

This journalist believes that Inky has rescued the real Khan and they are enjoying tea, and cucumber sandwhichs, while watching a few chukkas of Ultra-polo in the Trans-solar Objects gallery of the Museum.


Blogger Danxia said...

I'd take a closer look at the window on the viewer's right if I were Janitorial.

8:58 am  
Blogger BRSmith said...

Could we perhaps have something about the new (admittedly European) rules about carrying liquids, gels, bodily fluids etc. usw. on board aircraft, with respect to dust, please? I can't be alone in wondering about this.

3:13 am  
Blogger Danxia said...

Hang on, this post was written by MoD MoD. All this speculation about Inky . . . Inky himself wrote it.

11:37 pm  
Anonymous Director de Plume said...

Danxia -- you are completely right about this appearing to be from INky. Thank you so much for pointing it out! In real terms I don't think that it is ACTUALLY from our errant arachnid -- what I think we have here is a smoking gun! I have had my suspicions about the loyalty and integrity of Janitorial for sometime (you may remember my suspicions when those Christian brochures mysteriously turned up). Now I think that we've got him! Obviously Janitorial has hacked into Inky's email and has been using it for his own purposes... now we just need to discover what those purposes might be...

In light of this discovery, I have decided to say nothing to Janitorial -- but I'm going to keep a very close eye on his activities and acquaintances. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he had some illicit involvement with Rupert Murdoch...

One day I'll catch him in the act (any act), and then there'll be hell to pay! And I'm very sure that Inky will want to have a word about the misuse of his email address too if (when!!!) he returns.

Hmmm I can already taste the schadenfreude (or is that just a hangover from lastweeks orgy of it?).

brsmith -- you are also completely on the money! What are the governments of the world thinking allowing people to introduce dust willy-nilly into out vulnerable air-transport devices. We are all well aware of how truly dangerous dust can be! (Helloooo... anthrax anyone?) Because you are the first individual (and certainly the first zombie!) perspicacious enough to spot this inconsistency, I'm charging you with the responsibility of investigating the problem and suggesting some realistic and cost-effective solutions. (I'd like to suggest that all travellers be obliged to incinerate their luggage at their departure airport before being dipped entirely in super non-stick plastic coating to prevent them trying to disguise illicit dust as skin particles...) As the head of the international committee, you and you alone are responsible for the safety of the world's air travellers (or at least the likelihood of current governments being returned to power on the back of fictive terrorism plots).

11:29 am  
Anonymous Janitorial said...

Dear Danxia, it appears you are suffering from a misconception common to many in our field of endeavour including the (self-appointed) director of this institution. The title or our department should read 'Journatorial'. Our brief is to produce up-to-the-minute news, advertising copy, propoganda, and the staff magazine for the Museum.
The mistitling was due to an over-reliance on 'Spell Check' ( a mistak we wil nevr mak agin). However, the result is a Department torn between the duties of reportage and propaganda, and lumbered with the daily maintainance of a somewhat obscure collection of artefacts. Mind you, since Inky has BEEN AWAY, we have had unprecedented access to the computer networks of the Ministry of Defense*. I take it you appreciate our situation.

*Not to mention a substantial supply of cutting edge weaponry.

9:55 pm  
Anonymous museum said...

Interesting article, you make some interesting points. I learn more about The telescope .

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